


Troubles And Teachers (Wincest AU)

by its_just_me_lucifer



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Drama, Falling In Love, Hurt Sam Winchester, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, More tags to be added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Harm, Unrelated Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, im bad at tags, mental health, not canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:13:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25026760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_just_me_lucifer/pseuds/its_just_me_lucifer
Summary: An AU where Sam Wesson is a World History teacher with a bad case of PTSD and an attractive Drama teacher for a best friend. Sam struggles with his disorder and Dean is with him through it all, but interesting obstacles come between them, including their own feelings.((TRIGGER WARNING: PTSD, depression, anxiety, homophobia, and mentions of self-harm))
Relationships: Dean Smith/Sam Wesson, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	1. Stealing The Morning (Coffee)

**Author's Note:**

> if I missed any tags please let me know immediately. this story is not for the faint of heart. there are some very dark themes. this was written a LONG time ago. I will be re-reading to find any missed tags or warnings.

My alarm went off just as the sun was rising in the sky. Yawning, I turned it off and dragged myself to the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth and took a shower. After getting dressed in my usual teaching attire (vest, blazer, slacks, etc.), I went downstairs to grab my bag and car keys.

The school parking lot was barely occupied when I pulled in and parked. Only a few other faculty cars were there, including Mr. Dean Smith's Impala. Dean was the Drama teacher, who happened to be one of my friends from college. Honestly, it was strange we had met, considering the differences in our teaching fields, but I'm glad we did. Dean and I had known each other almost nine years now, and I considered him one of my closest friends.

"Hey, Mrs. Fresna," I smiled politely as I passed her entering the school. She hummed in response and took a sip from her thermos, still looking sleepy. "I don't understand how you cannot be tired after waking up so early," she grumbled as we entered the cafeteria.

Shrugging, I waved goodbye to her as I spotted Dean sitting at one of the faculty tables. "Hiya, Sammy. How was your weekend?" Dean greeted, flicking my ear as I sat down. I dodged the flick and gave him a little scowl.

"It was actually pretty boring. Just graded some leftover papers and hit the gym, mostly. What about you?" I asked, eyeing the breakfast line that was about to open. Dean followed my gaze in amusement. "How about I tell you after you go get some breakfast?" he chuckled, taking a sip of his coffee. I grinned and got up to head towards the line, which I bypassed because I was a teacher.

Some of the early students glanced at me, especially a group of sophomore girls who I had third period. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as they giggled and continued to look at me. "Um ... the oatmeal, please," I said pleasantly to the lunch last behind the counter. She smiled and nodded and I was soon back beside Dean with a bowl of hot oatmeal.

Dean looked like he was trying not to laugh as I scarfed down my meal. "Jesus, you act like you haven't eaten in years," he commented. I shrugged. "I didn't eat dinner last night because I was tired after the gym," I replied, grabbing his coffee and downing the rest of it. He watched me with a smile. "I was going to drink that, you know," he said, taking the empty Styrofoam cup and shooting it into the trashcan. He fist-pumped the air when it went in perfectly.

"You never cease to remind me of the frat boy I met nine years ago," I joked as I finished my oatmeal. Dean made a dismissive noise and suddenly narrowed his eyes at something behind me. I looked around to see a group of juniors muffling laughter and glancing at us.

I frowned. "Is this a student thing? Seriously, what's happening?" I sighed as I turned back around. "It's probably your hair," Dean snickered, tugging on the end of one of my dark brown locks. I had recently gotten it cut, and before it was almost to my shoulders, but now it was cropped to my chin. I tried to scowl, but it came out as a grin as I smacked his hand away. "Whatever, jerk," I sneered. He scoffed. "Whatever, bitch," he retorted.

We glared at each other until the bell rang before muffling our laughter and heading to our respective classes.

"Why do you show up if you have the first two class periods off?" I asked curiously as Dean and I shuffled through the packed hallways. "Eh, maybe so you can steal my morning coffee and annoy me," he quipped, shoving my shoulder and making me stumble. "I know for a fact that you probably had a cup before you left your house!" I protested, shoving him back.

Dean narrowed his eyes at me. "What if I need a specific amount of coffee in order to function?" he inquired sassily, crossing his arms. We stopped in front of his classroom, which was next door to mine. I crossed my arms as well. "I was your roommate for five years, Dean, I know you don't," I answered in a tone like I was speaking to a small child. "Well, you don't even need coffee, you're so hyped up on whatever you're taking to -- to get that much muscle!" He smacked my bicep.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, yeah. I'm soooo hyped up on a healthy lifestyle and a good workout regime. It's about time you noticed, Dean." He turned his face away. "I never said I didn't notice," he sniffed. I scoffed. "I see why you studied Drama, Mr. Smith. Now excuse me, I have a class to teach."

"Speaking of, your class is staring at us," Dean said as he pointed into my classroom without breaking eye contact. I spun around and saw the students scrambling to look casual. I sighed. "See you at lunch, Mr. Smith," I said as I entered my classroom.

"Mr. Wesson," Dean replied, just as I closed my door.

It was going to be a long day, I could tell.


	2. Surprise! You're A Couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres chapter 2!!! all mistakes are mine!!! hope you enjoy!!!

"Okay, class. Tomorrow will be a quiz on everything you've learned this on this section. Kaiya is handing out lists of the chapters you need to study if you've forgotten. You're dismissed as soon as you recieve one," I wrapped up my last lesson of the day with a weary smile.

Some of the kids groaned and some took it in silence and they all eventually filed out. The bell hadn't rung yet, but I had a headache, and I was not in the mood for the athletes in the class to start acting like morons. Speaking of --

"Um, Mr. Wesson?" Tracy, a girl on the track team, approached me shyly. I raised my eyebrows and smiled expectantly.

She smiled back. "Uh, the paper you handed back today, um, I was wondering if I could redo it, because I already have a low grade in here and if I get a C minus or below, I won't be eligible for the track team anymore," she said hopefully, looking up at me nervously.

I considered, and thought there was no reason why I shouldn't allow it, so I said, "Sure, Tracy. I'm sure there's a copy of it in the extra credit tray. If not, you know where to find me."

She laughed. "Yeah, with Mr. Smith," she said softly, like I wasn't supposed to hear. I stopped in the doorway. "What did you say?" I asked, a little confused. Tracy blushed bright red. "I-It's nothing, I j-just assumed you'd hang with Mr. Smith because y-you two are close. A lot of people think you're a c-couple," she laughed nervously. "Weird, right?"

I laughed a little to myself. "Yeah, weird," I echoed as I left the room.

The door to Dean's classroom was closed, and I looked at the decorations his class had adorned it with. It seemed a little childish, but I could see the fun and effort put into the silly ornaments.

A sharp rap on the little window of the door made me jump. I looked up to see Dean looking at me with a quirked eyebrow. His class was still in session, but he mouthed -- You alright? -- through the glass. I mustered up a convincing smile and nodded, gesturing for him to get back to his class.

As Dean returned to teaching, I wondered why I was spacing. Was it something Tracy had said? None of it had particularly bothered me, but people thinking Dean and I were a couple genuinely surprised me. I've never thought of that before, and now that it was mentioned, it nagged at me a little. Maybe I was over-thinking it a little. Or a lot.

Stop stressing, Sam. The students are going to think what they're going to think. No point in trying to stop them, I could imagine Dean saying. My throat suddenly became dry.

Walking down the hall to the water fountains, I took a long drink and tried to slow my thought process in the meantime. I didn't realize Dean was behind me until he spoke.

"Nice trousers," he commented. I started and almost choked. He laughed as I straightened up and have him a withering look. "You would know, we were together when I bought them," I responded. He shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. You gonna tell me what's bothering you?" I stared at him as the final bell rang. "Are you psychic or something?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "No, I've only known you for nine years. Plus, when you're upset or thinking hard your eyebrows turn in and your eyes narrow. You're like an open book to me," Dean explained casually as I continued to stare at him. He rolled his eyes again and spread his arms as the student body swept past us, rushing to get out of the building and to get home. "So?"

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. "It's nothing, really. One of my students just told me that some people think we're a couple," I laughed, wincing as it came out fake. My weird anxiety set in. "Oh, yeah, that," Dean said, shrugging. "They've thought that since the pep assembly last semester."

"Wait, you knew?" I exclaimed in disbelief, frowning deeply.

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. I usually start out my class with allowing them to tell me the latest school gossip. Let me tell ya, the things people come up with," he sighed. I shook my head and scoffed. "Wait, wait. You knew, and you didn't tell me?" I demanded. Dean frowned. "I thought you knew, and it isn't that big of a deal anyway. Why? Does it bother you people assume we're a couple?"

I scoffed. "Of course not! Well ... No, of course it doesn't, I just .... I just ..."

Dean took a step back, his eyebrows raised high. "Jesus, Sammy, are you homophobic?" he joked.

"NO! No, why would you even say that?" I shouted. I flinched as some of the students staying for study hall stared. Dean's expression was rueful. "I'm really sorry, Sammy ... I didn't realize that was still a sore spot for you. I was only joking, I'm sorry," he apologized. His hands twitched towards me, then were still. I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't get so worked up over such stupid things. Sorry for yelling. God, I feel so stupid," I mumbled.

Dean took my hands away from my face and gazed at me sternly. "Under no circumstances do you apologize to me when I go to far. That's fucked up, and it's not your fault, and it's not stupid," he said firmly. "Alright? Okay, Sammy?"

I managed a little nod and a quiet, "Yeah."

Dean sighed and scraped a hand over his face. "How about you come on over and stay for the night? We could order some food and watch some crap TV since I forgot to pay my damn Netflix bill," he suggested with a tiny smile. I laughed softly and nodded. "Sounds good, but it's a school night, Dean," I reminded him.

"You have some clothes over at my house, remember? And I'm sure you can go one day without going to the gym."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are life!!!


	3. We Don't Encourage That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, my wifi got shut off because of corona.....  
> anyway heres another chapter!!!!

Well, we ended up drinking. Not anything hardcore, just a couple of beers and maybe a glass of whiskey for Dean, but since we were teachers and drinking wasn't a good idea most of the time, our alcohol tolerance had weakened. Especially Dean's.

"Y'know, Sam, I like your new haircut. Makes you look less sad," Dean slurred, patting the top of my head a little too hard. I laughed and shooed his hand away. "Thanks, Dean. Let's call it a night, yeah?" I helped him up from the couch and turned off the TV. "But .... But," he mumbled, reaching for the bottle of alcohol on the coffee table. "Ah, no. Sleep instead," I managed to say through my chuckles.

Dean grumbled under his breath and allowed me to help him up the stairs and into his room. I brushed my teeth while he changed into pajama bottoms. When I came out of the bathroom, Dean was flopped face-down on his bed. I shook my head with a small smile, removing his socks and throwing them in the hamper.

"Thanks, Sammy," I heard him grunt. "No problem. Goodnight, Dean." I was about to close the door when Dean said my name once more. I turned around to see him looking at me with sleepy, but thoughtful, eyes. "Don't think too much tonight, okay? If you have a nightmare, come and get me. I mean it, Sam, or I'll kick your ass," he ordered in a gruff voice. I had stiffened at the mention of my nightmares, but Dean's expression made me relax. "Okay, Dean. Goodnight."

He mumbled and buried his face into his pillow.

I turned off his light and went to the guest room, where I got changed for bed. I turned off my lights and climbed under the covers.

It was a good thirty minutes before I could actually fall asleep, and even then disturbing dreams troubled me. They weren't exactly nightmares, so when I woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, I decided not to tell Dean. I checked the clock on the nightstand. The numbers 5:42 glared back at me in ruby red. Rubbing my eyes and sighing, I got up and went to get dressed for the day. After that, I made some coffee and watched some more TV until I heard Dean's alarm for 6:15 go off.

"Morning," I said as I entered his room with a coffee mug and some Advil for him. Dean glared at me from under his thick blanket. "Go away and leave me to die," he muttered. He saw the Advil in my hand and straightened up. "Scratch that. C'mere, Sammy," he smiled lazily. I laughed and he winced. "Though not so loud," he hissed as he took the medicine and coffee. "Whatever. Hurry up and get dressed, we have a job to get to," I said, giving his back a pat and turning around. "Correction: you have a job to get to. I have the first two class periods off," he retorted, not moving from his spot in bed.

Putting on my best bitch face, I said, "You're my ride, remember? Now, get up. You can sleep at your desk." Dean groaned and went into the bathroom while dragging his feet like a child. I rolled my eyes and went back downstairs.

We reached the school at 6:43, and even though I offered to drive, Dean stubbornly refused, and I was subjected to his complaining.

"This is what you get for getting drunk on a school night, Dean. Deal with it," I sighed as we both sat at our usual table. Dean opened his mouth to no doubt say some witty retort, when --

" 'Ello, boys," a voice said behind us. Dean's expression became sour and I would've laughed if another person were talking to us. "Crowley," I greeted, eyeing him as he pulled out a seat beside Dean. "What, no love from my best friend?" Crowley said sarcastically when Dean didn't speak. "How can you get love from a best friend that isn't at this table?" Dean shot back. "Don't you have Kevin to terrorize?"

I smacked Dean's arm. "Not that we encourage that," I added to Crowley, who looked half-amused, half-annoyed. That seemed to be his go-to face most of the time. "Unfortunately, Mr. Tran's mother is in the hospital. He has a sub filling him in," Crowley sighed, looking to the table where Kevin usually sat. "Pining, much?" Dean muttered. Crowley rolled his eyes. "As if, Squirrel. Don't get too jealous," he taunted.

Dean's face turned red, so I said quickly, "Who's the substitute filling in?" Crowley gave a disinterested scoff and pointed to a man I hadn't noticed across the cafeteria. "Some bloke called Castiel Novak. I'm pretty sure he's Gabriel's younger brother," he informed.

Gabriel was the art teacher, and was constantly eating some sort of sweet. The man Crowley pointed out had messy jet black hair and was wearing a long, tan trench coat. Not that strange, but a little out of place. He looked awkward next to Gabriel and shuffled around a lot.

"Looks too young to be a sub," Dean commented offhandedly. I gave him a weird look and noticed the gleam in his eye as he gazed at Castiel. A strange feeling stirred in my stomach, but I was distracted from it as the first bell rang.

"See you boys later," Crowley said as he left. "Do you think the reason Crowley is so insufferable is because he teaches algebra? I mean, I hated all my math teachers," Dean said as we headed to class. I shrugged. "Don't know, don't care. Just don't fight with him like you did last year. You would've gotten fired if I hadn't intervened," I scolded him again.

Dean made a carefree noise and swerved suddenly to avoid getting run over by a bunch of students. "Sorry, Mr. Smith!" one of them called back. He waved to them and sighed. "Why did I become a teacher again, Sam?"

I glanced at him. "Was there a particular reason? If so, I don't know it," I laughed as we stopped in front of our classrooms. He shrugged and patted my shoulder. "See you at lunch," he responded as he unlocked his door. "Yeah. See you," I said as I entered my class long with a few late students.


	4. Meeting Castiel and Misinterpretations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks a bunch for reading and commenting. sorry i missed last sundays posting, i had an ER visit the night before and was terribly sick(stomach flu(ick!!)). heres another chapter and i will be posting another chapter right after this since i missed a day. also ill be posting one chapter every sunday.

((A/N)) DOUBLE UPDATE NUGGETS

My aloud reading was interrupted by a knock at the door. I nodded at Jeremy to answer it. The sub, Castiel, poked his head and smiled apologetically. "Hey, Mr. Wesson. Could I borrow you for a few minutes?" he asked, blue eyes pleading.

I raised an eyebrow and said, "Sure. Cole, please continue reading until I get back. Perhaps that will keep you awake." The class snickered as Cole flushed and rubbed his eyes, trying to find where I stopped reading.

Stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind me, I turned toward Castiel. "So what's up?" I asked, a little concerned. Castiel looked embarrassed. "I gave my class an assignment, but they aren't listening to me at all. Gabriel just told me if I had trouble to come get you, I don't know why," he explained in a rush. I shook my head and chuckled. "It's fifth hour, right? Yeah, Mr. Tran always has trouble with that class. I'll be there in a second, okay? Just let me check on something real quick," I smiled at him.

A relieved look crossed Castiel's face. "Thanks, Sam. I can call you Sam, right?" he asked, suddenly worried. "Well, it is my name, so I suppose," I joked as I stuck my head back in the classroom.

"If I get any complaints from Mr. Smith or Ms. Black, you'll get extra homework for the week," I threatened. The students' eyes widened and Cole started to read again. I closed the door. "Okay, let's go."

We walked down the hall to the Foreign Languages classroom and I understood why Castiel came to get me.

The popular kids were sitting, even standing, on top of the desks and pelting the less popular kids with spitballs and wadded up pieces of paper. Most of the girls had their phones out and were chattering loudly. The football quarterback, Lance, was standing on his chair, about to throw a pencil at a girl who was reading. I made a reminder to thank that kid later.

"Lance, I suggest you sit down. As a matter of fact, I suggest all of you sit down," I announced loudly in a cold tone. All the kids froze and looked at me with wide eyes. I raised my eyebrows and they all scrambled to sit. "And put away your phones," I snapped as one of the girls continued to text.

She almost dropped her phone at the sound of my voice and shoved it into her binder, tittering nervously.

"Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised, just disappointed. Lance, Jamie, Heather, I will be speaking to your coaches today." The three people I had named had astonished expressions. "The rest of you, I will be making calls to your guardians, with a few exceptions," I said as I eyed a few students who weren't being idiots.

I turned to Castiel, who looked a little nervous. "Mr. Novak, I'll need the attendance list for this class, please." I faced the students again. "You will all listen to Mr. Novak, or I'll do worse than talk to a few adults," I said coldly. They nodded, but some just scoffed and roles their eyes. There will always be those select few who just don't give a damn.

"Thank you so much, Sam," Castiel said hurriedly as we headed back into the hallway. "No problem, Castiel. If they ever act up again, you know where to find me," I smiled, my hands in my pockets.

He nodded and smiled big. As I walked back to my classroom, I thought about Castiel. He had this sort of innocent vibe about him, and he was definitely shy for an adult. No way Dean would like him. Wait, that was mean. I stopped right outside my classroom and sighed, rubbing my temples. Why did I care if Dean liked Castiel anyway? I've known Dean for years, it's not like he's going to abandon me for someone he hasn't even met. Get a grip, Sam.

I entered the classroom and smiled. "Done? Good. I was going to hand out a worksheet, but seeing as you all were well-behaved, you guys can have some free time. Just keep it down."

The kids cheered quietly and started to talk among themselves just as the door opened again. Sighing, I looked up, expecting Castiel again, but instead found Dean grinning at me.

"Sammy," he greeted, sitting on the edge of my desk. I noticed a few students had stopped talking and were now watching us. "Dean," I replied, pulling a paper I needed to grade from under his thigh. "Hey, what's up? You're frowning," Dean questioned, poking the corner of my mouth repeatedly. I gave him an unamused look as he continued to prod me. "You can stop now," I scowled, resisting the urge to bit his finger. "How about no?" he retorted, instead poking my nose and saying, "Boop," each time. I rolled my eyes and smiled slightly. "You're so dumb," I chuckled, swatting his hand.

Dean sighed and dramatically looked up at the ceiling. "Alas, why I teach drama. I am not intelligent enough to teach my real calling: World History," he inhaled sharply with a faux look of devastation, spreading his arms wide.

"Oh, is that why you secretly hate me with all of your cold, black heart?" I went along, putting on a face of wonder. He nodded solemnly. "Indeed, young Padowan. This cold, cold heart holds no love for you. I'm sorry."

We both started to laugh and I heard a few muffled giggles from a few students who were listening. "In all seriousness, though. What's the matter?" Dean asked after we both calmed down. I shrugged and gave him an innocent look. "Nothing. I was just thinking," I answered, marking down an A+ on Samantha Withers' assignment. Dean narrowed his eyes. "Uh, huh. Sure," he mused.

He continued to observe me as the bell for sixth hour rang. "Have a good day, guys," I called after my students, some of them replying with a wave.

"Is it that Castiel guy?" Dean suddenly inquired. Shocked, I almost dropped my mug full of spare pencils. "How in the hell --?" Dean cut me off. "Saw you walking with him through my door, which was open by the way. You didn't say hi," he added with a slight frown. I laughed a little. "Sorry."

He waved it off. "It's nothing. Anyway, I heard he's Gabriel's brother, so there's no need to worry." I raised an eyebrow. "Worry about what, exactly?" I asked slowly. He blinked at me. "Worry that he likes Gabriel," he replied just as slowly.

Almost immediately, all the heat rushed to my face and I almost choked on my own spit.

"Dean, what the hell? I don't like Gabriel ..." I said incredulously. Dean looked confused. "But when you guys talk, he's always touchy-feely, and you don't shut him down or anything .... Sorry, my mistake." His expression became bright, and I was almost sure it was fake. "So, what's really the matter then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are my life!!!


	5. The Nightmare(Stay With Me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised heres a bonus posting since i missed one. i will also be posting again on sunday. i hope you enjoy!! this chapter is a little on the heavy side, you might need some tissues. poor sammy. ta ta.

It was dark in the house, the only light coming from the downstairs TV. The screen was pure blue, and it gave an eerie, washed out look to the living room as I walked down the stairs in my spaceship pajamas.

"Mom? Dad?" I called softly.

I hopped off the last step and landed in something wet on the carpet. Confused, I looked down. The blue light from the TV discolored it a bit, but oozing between my little toes was dark crimson blood. My chest became tight and it was suddenly hard to breathe. "Momma! Dad! Where are you?!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face.

"Sam ...." a weak voice said to my left. I slowly turned towards it and my stomach twisted into a sick knot. "Sammy ...." A creature that resembled my mother reached out with its bloody hand. It's eyes were desperate and teary. "Help me ..."

"NO!"

I jolted awake with a scream. Outside, a dog started to bark rapidly. The image of my mother's broken body seemed burned into my memory.

Panting, I threw back the covers and rushed to the bathroom. Turning on the shower faucet, I collapsed under the freezing spray, still in pajamas, and cried. Once I started, I couldn't stop. That was the first actual nightmare I'd had in weeks, and it still shook me to the core. The night my mother died ... the night my life was completely turned around.

I needed to get help, before I did something stupid.

With a lot of effort, I found the strength to yank myself out of the bathroom and to my nightstand, where my phone was charging.

Dialing the number I knew by heart, I closed my eyes and tried to stop the tears as I leaned against the side of my bed. The line rang for a long time, and just as I was about to give up, he answered. "Sammy?" Dean yawned. "Dean," I managed to gasp through my sobs. I heard shuffling on the other side of the call. "I'm coming over. Stay upstairs, close the bathroom door, and sit on the bed. Stay on the phone," Dean ordered.

"Okay," I whispered. I heard the jingle of keys and the rumbling start of the Impala. "Sammy, move," Dean reminded me gently. I nodded, too frazzled to realize he couldn't see me, and shakily got to my feet. "Are you moving?" he asked. "Yeah, I'm closing the door," I mumbled as the bathroom door clicked shut. "Good. Now just lay down, I'm three minutes away at most," I heard Dean say. I made a sound of acknowledgement.

We stayed on the phone until Dean reached the top of my stairs. "Sammy?" I heard him call. Relief coursed through me, and the feeling of pins and needles in my skin went away. "I'm here," I responded, clearing my throat. My door opened and a disheveled Dean appeared.

"Heya, Sam," he murmured with a small, sad smile, settling next to me on the bed. I simply gave him a small nod. Our sides were pressed against each other and the warmth of Dean's body was soothing and familiar. "Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked quietly, nudging my foot with his. I nudged back. "Not really. It was the usual. Walking down the stairs .... Seeing --" I felt the tears welling up again and closed my eyes, shaking my head.

Dean's breath fluttered across the side of my neck as he sighed. "Is there anything I can do?"

I opened my eyes and looked at him helplessly. "Stay with me? Until I fall asleep?" I whispered, my voice breaking against my will. Dean gazed at me a moment, his face unreadable. Then he said, "Of course, Sammy. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are life.


	6. Emotion Is A Snake, And It Can Choke You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres the next chapter!!! hope you like it!!!!

((Trigger Warning: Homophobic Slurs))

That was a few weeks ago. Since that night, Dean has been a little weird, always sorta spacey when we talk. Distant. Then I noticed he was hanging around the substitute, Castiel, more often. Castiel became popular with the principal, so he filled in a lot more now.

I don't know why, but I started to get this strange feeling whenever I saw them together. Back in college, Dean would bring guys as well as girls home for the night, so I knew he wasn't all that straight, and that didn't bother me (never did), but it felt like I was losing a friend ....

"Hey, Mr. Wesson." Ms. Black sat down beside me at lunch. "I thought I'd see you with Mr. Smith."

Flinching, I laughed as convincingly as I could and preoccupied myself with eating my salad. "He's hanging around with that substitute a lot lately. Does that bother you?" Ms. Black inquired, her hand over he mouth as she chewed. I glanced at her. Since when did she become so nosy? "Um, no ... Not really," I replied, but even as I said that, I was looking over to where Dean was laughing with Castiel.

Castiel put his hand on Dean's upper arm and smiled in a way that could only be described as flirtatious. I choked on a crouton. Ms. Black looked concerned as she patted my back firmly while I coughed.

"You alright there?" she laughed nervously. Nodding and clearing my throat, I said, "Yeah, everything's just fine," before getting up and tossing away my salad. Didn't have much of an appetite after seeing that very obvious display.

Walking to my classroom, I realized I still had an hour to kill before I had another class. Eh, I'll probably just grade some papers, I thought. I sat down at my desk and rubbed my eyes. Man, I'm tired. I had spend a long time at the gym last night. Maybe a little nap won't hurt.

Closing my eyes, I lat my head on my desk.

"It's your fault, you goddamn faggot!" Dad screamed, throwing Mom's special vase at me. I cried out as it struck my head, causing me to tumble to the ground. Blood trickled from the newly opened skin on my forehead into my eyes.

"Dad, please stop! Please!" I sobbed as he grabbed my hair and shook me violently. He brought his face close to mine. I felt his breath, stinking of alcohol, harsh on my cheek, and I saw the rage in his cold brown eyes. "It's your fault your mother died, and it's your fault you couldn't save Jess!" he snarled. Then he tossed me away, and after a moment of darkness, I was suddenly in front of my college dorm.

Flames were ravaging the building and I heard screaming. I realized I was the one screaming. "Jess! Oh, my God! Someone help!" I yelled, but the people around me just kept walking, their faces horrifically blank. "Jess!"

"It's your fault," Dad's voice whispered.

I woke with a start as the bell rang and wiped my face hurriedly, ashamed to find tears smeared on the back of my hand. As my fourth hour students filed in, I sighed and started readying the assignments. My hands were trembling violently.

"Sam." Calloused hands placed themselves on mine. I looked up and my breath caught in my throat as I saw Dean gazing down at me with a smile.

"Um, Mr. Wesson?" a voice asked. Dean disappeared. Confused, I opened my eyes and saw I was standing in front of the class. I had stopped in the middle of my rant about Napoleon. "Uh, sorry, guys. Totally spaced," I laughed, trying to hide my nervousness. A few students chuckled and I continued my speech, although with less passion.

I clapped my hands together once the bell rang and said, "No homework for today, have a great weekend." The class whooped loudly and I smiled as I sat on the edge of my desk.

With a sigh, I sat back down in my chair and put my head in my hands, trying to swallow around the tightness in my throat. This heavy feeling sunk deep into my chest and I just wanted to lay down and sleep forever .... but I couldn't. I had a job to do, places to see, and things to experience. I couldn't just give up. Not yet. Not now.

So with that, I packed up my things and waited for Dean at his door like usual. Only, he didn't come out.

A good half hour had passed and I was starting to get worried. I finally decided to look for him after I realized his room was empty. The halls were completely barren of people except for a few passing teachers. I heard laughter coming from the Foreign Languages room and prepared myself for scolding students who were here without supervision, but what I saw were not students.

Castiel and Dean were sitting around the teacher's desk, laughing and smiling and looking at each other with heart eyes. A snake of emotion curled and twisted in my stomach.

"Dean," I said. My tone turned cold. "Castiel."

Looking surprised, Castiel just glanced at me before looking back at Dean, who looked like he was just regretting a decision.

"Can I speak to you, Dean? I'll only keep you a moment," I said. Dean's eyes told me he sensed the anger brimming beneath the politeness of my tone, but he was wordless as he got up and excused himself.

We walked into the hallway, a little ways from Castiel's temporary classroom. "What is it, Sam?" Dean asked, sounding irritated. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. "I waited for a half hour, Dean. I was worried! You couldn't have texted me or something?" I scoffed, more confused than angry now. He rolled his eyes and the snake in my stomach flinched and writhed.

"Jesus, I don't have to check in with you every time my plans change! I'm busy, why don't you go annoy someone else?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Dean's eyes widened and his expression was regretful, but the damage was done.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I said hoarsely, "Yeah, um, okay ... I'll just ...." A lump had formed in my throat and I felt a prickle in my eyes. Dean also looked sick, but he just stood there, frozen. I nodded to myself and felt the trust I put in Dean start to chip away, and the walls I had around strangers start to build back up, shutting him out.

It was automatic, this reaction. He's going to hurt me.

He's going to hurt me .....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are life!!

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos feed me!!!!! let me know if you like it!!


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